Destiny is Laughing
by Aevalyn
Summary: In an attempt to save Arthur  yet again  Merlin finds himself with a bit of a problem... and nothing short of magic can fix it.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Destiny is Laughing  
**Rating: **T (subject to change if the story progresses)  
**Pairings:** probable Arthur/Merlin (possible other pairings as the story progresses)  
**Warnings:** language, AU, fem/Merlin, mild violence (subject to change as the story progresses)  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own the show Merlin, I do not own the character Merlin. I do not own the character Arthur. I do not own the BBC who owns them all. (Sadly none of this is likely subject to change as the story progresses)

* * *

As he crashed through the underbrush in search of his master, Merlin's gut tightened. Something was wrong, he could feel it. He opened his mind, probing for the familiar feel of the prince. Instead he sensed a presence that was completely foreign to the woods he regularly traveled with the Arthur's hunting party- a magical presence. Eyes widening in panic he cast about farther with his magic trying to locate the direction that the power was coming from. It was east heading west, and Arthur was in the woods. What were the odds this strange magic user _wasn't_ heading toward Arthur? Merlin wondered to himself bitterly. Once again he was going to have to save his royal majesty's ass and likely his efforts be dismissed or have to play it off as an accident. If he was very unlucky he'd end up getting blamed for not finishing his work because he spent the morning chasing after Arthur. He swiped angrily at a branch that tried to hit him in the face. Then Merlin would be put in the stocks for saving the ungrateful prat. And who was he kidding? It didn't matter how much he tried to convince himself that he was annoyed over having to save the prince, he couldn't really say that he was. Even knowing what was likely in store for him, he couldn't prevent the rising panic for Arthur's safety. He'd gladly spend _weeks_ in the stocks if it meant Arthur stayed safe.

Ahead he heard stamping horses, jangling armor and the clash of weapons. _They were under attack!_ Shouts filtered through the trees, and Merlin adjusted course to race toward the sound of battle. He burst into a small clearing to see a confusing scene of the knights wildly swinging their swords, or their swords locked as they tried to throw their enemies off balance. He searched until he saw familiar blond hair gleaming in the sunlight, standing out against the knights who were all smart enough to wear their silver helmets. Arthur swung his blade, nearly claiming the head of his opponent, but the armored man managed to duck away and bring his sword up to capture the next blow Arthur aimed at him.

Merlin gaped.

Why on earth was Arthur fighting one of his own knights? Why had all the knights turned on each other? This was not as the practice they did on the training field; several men were bleeding from slight wounds, and even with helmets Merlin could see the murderous intent on their faces. They were fighting to kill, as serious as when facing down the bandits Merlin had expected to find them fighting. Were they under a spell from the sorcerer Merlin had sensed earlier? A movement in the trees to the side caught his attention and Merlin turned to see a cloaked figure stepping out to stand at Arthur's back. The knight he fought went down, slipping in the patch of mud that had been created by the man's blood mixing with the loose earth. The cloaked figure stretched forth a hand that was surrounded by a soft white glow. Words fell from the cloaked man's lips in the old language, but Merlin was not close enough make out the low words. The energy grew as he spoke into a glowing orb that was now a deep red near his flesh but pulsed with pink tendrils as it grew away from his fingers. Arthur and his knights continued to attack each other, oblivious to the sorcerer who was now shouting the unfamiliar words.

"_-Naefre Biþ Gecennan Samod Mæg"_

With a golden flash of his eyes Merlin slowed time. He would never make it across the clearing in time to pull Arthur out of the way of the spell that was racing toward his back. His own hand shot out and he cast a spell that would cause his prince to fall forward allowing the enemy spell to pass over his head without touching him. The next second time was restored and Merlin was now in the direct line of the red spell. He had a moment to panic before his brain kicked in and he forced his lips to form the words of another spell.

"_Bordrand!" _

The shield he summoned shimmered into existence just in time to intercept the brunt of the stranger's spell, but insidious tendrils of pink slipped through the distorting shield to slam into Merlin's chest. He saw the red light bouncing back toward its caster before the force of the blow flung him off of his feet and backwards into the air. Fortunately a tree was kind enough to stop his momentum. Unfortunately he slammed into the hard trunk with enough force to make stars dance across his vision. He found himself lying in a heap at the base of the tree, unable to move through the sharp pain in his head and back. He squinted, trying to make sense out of what he could see. Arthur's knights all dropped to the ground unconscious, marionettes whose strings had been cut. Arthur was apparently affected the same way; either that or Merlin's spell had dropped him harder than intended. The sorcerer stood with his hand still outstretched. The forest filled with a deafening silence. Then the sorcerer's outstretched hand clutched frantically at his own chest. His hood slipped down to reveal an older man with brown hair and eyes that were glowing red. The glow faded into a glassy brown and he crumpled to the forest floor. Merlin took a deep breath in and allowed his head to gently fall to rest against the tree for the moment. He needed to get up and check on Arthur. Of course he was getting up. His eyes closed.

* * *

"My knights are all okay?"

"Hm?" Gaius, answered absently. He was busy stripping Merlin's shirt off so he could examine him for injuries. He sucked in a deep breath when he saw the boy's back, completely forgetting the prince staring out his window.

"My knights, there weren't any serious injuries among them?" Arthur asked.

"Considering that they were all trying to stab each other with sharpened chunks of metal they were all in surprisingly good shape, Sire. The worst was Sir Percival. He took a deep slice on one arm, but he will recover and is resting in his own quarters right now. I gave them all the day off after I finished bandaging them all up and they are to come back to me in the morning. I will check their injuries again tomorrow and see how they are doing. You aren't to drag them to the training field until I have," the old physician warned as he grabbed the items resting on the side table. His tone was perhaps sharper than it should have been when addressing his liege, but he was upset that Merlin had managed to injure himself yet again in service to their prince. Not Arthur's fault, but it was frustrating to have to keep tending his ward every time some vengeful magic user decided to target the prince.

"And Merlin?"

There was a pause while Gaius rubbed a strong and foul smelling unguent onto the darkening bruise that ran the length of Merlin's back. He didn't have an answer to the prince's question just yet.

"Tell me again how Merlin was injured?" he invited the prince.

"I don't know. I remember fighting, there were bandits attacking me. Except they weren't bandits, they were my men," Arthur agonized.

"A spell, Sire. They do not blame you. They feel much the same for attacking you, and turning on each other," Gaius pointed out in a gentle tone. After a moment Arthur cleared his throat and continued.

"I don't know when he showed up, but I found him lying on the ground at the edge of the clearing after I woke up. There was a man there; he had to be the one who cast the spell that turned us on each other. He was dead. I don't know how, but I think Merlin had somehow managed breaking the spell. I don't know. How did he even know to show up? He was supposed to stay here and finish the stables while we were out. _Mer_lin wasn't even supposed to be there!"

Arthur shoved away from the window and came over to watch Gaius work on his friend. He froze. Merlin's skin was turning deep black along his spine, spreading along his back into red and purple patches. His flesh was scraped in several places, skinned by bark. Arthur was not, despite his manservant's opinion, as oblivious or as stupid as he was thought. He lifted his hand until it hovered in the air directly above, but he did not allow him self to touch it no matter how lightly because Gaius was giving him a warning brow. The younger boy had to have been knocked into the tree Arthur had found him under by that old man in the robe. Perhaps Merlin's appearance had interrupted the spell and he had attacked Merlin in retaliation?

"He was attacked by the sorcerer wasn't he?" Arthur knew that Merlin had been attacked; he didn't know why he felt the need for confirmation.

"It does look that way Sire."

"I think he was flung into a tree. Is it very bad?" Arthur asked.

Gaius suddenly seemed every one of his years as he slumped under the weight of the question. "That… I cannot answer Sire. As deep as the bruising is, it's possible there is more damage than is readily visible. There could be injury to the spine, but we will not know _that _until he regains consciousness."

They both stared down at the young man for a moment, Gaius's fingers never ceasing their gentle application. "You should rest, Sire. I will tend Merlin and you can come see how he is when I check your wrist again. All of the knights are to report to me tomorrow, and that includes you."

"I'll be back in the morning," Arthur's eyes never left Merlin as he spoke. He lingered for a moment, unwilling to move, but a pointed look from Gaius spurred him into action. Arthur said his goodbye and turned toward the door. Gaius bowed his head and murmured his acknowledgment of the Prince's departure. There was a soft click then Gaius was able to turn his complete attention to tending his ward.

"Oh Merlin what did you do this time?" he sighed.

* * *

Pain was the first thing that Merlin was aware of as he floated to consciousness, absolutely overwhelming pain. He felt as though lightning bolts were dancing beneath his flesh, striking muscles and bone, and illuminating his body from the inside. Pink. The lightning was pink, and it was sinking into his brain, excruciating sparks of pink that were burning into mind, into his eyes. A piteous high pitched whimper resounded through the room. It took a moment for him to realize it was coming from him self. He clenched his teeth. Gods even his teeth were agonizingly pink, the exact same shade as the spell that had slipped past his defenses. With that his memories of the attack by the old man returned, and his eyes snapped open. He clenched them shut again, too sensitive for the light. Cautiously he cracked his eyes open, to find himself staring cross eyed at a strand of black in the line of his sight. Moving slowly he inched his fingers up to touch the black hair, for that is what his examination proved it to be. He gave the hair a little tug and felt the pull on the back of his scalp. His hair was long?

Wait…The sorcerer was trying to cast a spell that would make Arthur's _hair long_? That… didn't make any sense.

Moving with painful slowness he shifted his hands beneath his body and pushed himself up onto his elbows. He stopped to catch his breath, head hanging down to rest against his pillow. Finally he pushed again until he was sitting upright, in spite of how wobbly he managed to be even sitting. He was in the patient bed reserved in Gaius's chambers for any who were too sick to be left alone, but Gaius was no where to be seen. He rubbed his temples with one hand, keeping the other planted on the bed so he didn't fall over in the effort. The pain was ebbing, but his body still tingled with the lingering… pink. He didn't even know how it was possible to be a color or to taste it. He brushed his hair back over his shoulder in an absent gesture, before it caught his attention. Merlin pulled a strand back over his shoulder to examine it more closely. Why did he suddenly have long hair? What had the sorcerer been trying to accomplish?

Merlin had never had the desire to grow his hair long, so he had never contemplated what he would look like, but now that the situation was presenting itself he was curious. Shoving to his feet he made his slow way on trembling legs toward the stairs that lead to his bedroom. Several life threatening moments later he managed to make it into his bedroom and over to the hanging mirror that he used for shaving. He glanced into the glass, and stared.

"Merlin? Merlin!" the old man's panic carried through his bedroom door.

"I'm in here Gaius."

"Merlin, good heavens, don't scare me like that," the old man scolded breathlessly as he drew deeper into his quarters. "And what are you doing up? I don't recall giving you permission to go gallivanting around."

"I'm hardly gallivanting around, but could you come here for a moment?" His fear made Merlin's voice go up a notch. There was a thump of something being dropped unceremoniously onto one of the counters.

"Just a moment, let me grab you a potion you're going to need." There was a rustling noise and Gaius's footsteps could be heard nearing, "What's the matter?"

"I have a problem."

Gaius's eyebrows drew together. It must be alarming for the boy's voice to go _that _high. His feet reached the stairs.

"Are you in pain? Well, never mind that. I'm sure you are. Well let's get you sorted out because Arthur and the knights who traveled with him yesterday are going to be arriving soon enough and I'll be busy with them for a while, and I need to examine you before they get here. Now what's this pro…"

The potion bottle fell from his finger tips as he stared unable to quite process what he was seeing. Finally his brain caught up and he jerked his head down to stare at the shattered vial at his feet before dismissing it in favor of the larger issue at hand. He raised his head to stare at his ward once more.

"Gaius,_ I think my reflection is broken!"_

"Oh… dear…"

* * *

End Notes: I will be honest, largely speaking I dislike turning male characters into females. Then I wondered why. Thinking about it, I realized my objection was not so much the concept as it is the way it is frequently handled. So this is my personal challenge to myself, to write a female Merlin fic that I would have been willing to read if I weren't the one writing it. I do not know that I will accomplish handling a tricky subject with anything resembling grace. In fact I believe that I may leave it at this chapter, and not even touch the subject further since I am uncertain I can do it justice. Regardless of whether or not I continue this fic, please note that all mistakes are my own as this story has no beta and is as yet, unedited. Hopefully you will find some amusement out of this little story.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Destiny is Laughing  
**Rating:** T (subject to change as the story progresses)  
**Pairings:** probable Arthur/Merlin (possible other pairings as the story progresses)  
**Warnings:** language, AU, fem/Merlin, mild violence (subject to expansion as the story progresses)  
**Disclaimer: **really hasn't changed since last chapter, and will not change for the rest of the chapters, so I'm not repeating the fact that I don't own Merlin, make no money off this, and all characters herein belong to history and the BBC, except minor OC's who are just there as filler, but they're not really impressive so I'm not taking credit for them either... and you can't make me!

* * *

"'Oh dear'? No... No, no, no! You do NOT get to say 'Oh dear' in that tone of voice!"

"Merlin I'm going to need you to step away from the mirror," Gaius ignored the rising panic in his ward's voice.

Merlin didn't budge, simply continued to stare at the strange young woman in the mirror. Her dark hair fell in a frame around her face before disappearing over her shoulders to spill down her back. She had high cheekbones, but they led to a chin that was soft and rounded along the edges, unlike Merlin's more sharply angled jaw. The lips were shaped much like Merlin's, except her mouth was not as wide. The top line was also a bit fuller, giving the red lips the appearance of a pout as a result. The mirror did not extend beyond the top of her shoulders and the hint of a dip between the soft swells on her chest that were captured by the white of a bandage. So the creamy curve of shoulders was revealed while the rest of her body was hidden from view. She had blue eyes that were disturbingly familiar to the warlock. Merlin raised one hand to the mirror watching the girl mimic his own action.

Merlin's eyes fell down to stare at the hand he had raised to the mirror. It was smaller than it had ever been before. The fingers were still long and narrow, but no longer were they squared, instead tapering to a delicate set of nails. Like everything he had examined so far, his arms were smaller and rounder than they had been before. He examined his own chest to find a small valley between soft swells that were captured by a white bandage upon his chest. Hesitating for a moment, he allowed his hand fall to the front of his pants only to find his biggest fear confirmed- a very significant portion of his body was no longer accounted for.

"Merlin you should sit down for a moment."

"My reflection isn't broken is it?" the words fell from numb lips. "This is real. I'm a girl. I'm really a girl." His voice cracked every time he said the word 'girl'. _"Gaius I'm a GIRL!"_

"You were injured and I need to check the bruises on your back," Gaius's voice was a little bit desperate.

"Bruises?" Merlin snapped in an incredulous voice. He spun around to face his mentor and gesture to his body as if the old man had not noticed the sudden change in his appearance. "I'm a _girl_ and you're worried about some bruises? Why am I a girl? What the hell did that damn sorcerer do to me?"

"Merlin, language," Gaius scolded out of reflex. At Merlin's unfriendly expression, he cleared his throat.

"Of course if any situation calls for it, this one does," he conceded weakly.

"Damn straight it does," Merlin agreed unimpressed by Gaius's disapproving brow.

"Although I'd appreciate it if you kept such comments to a minimum."

"What happened to me?"

"Whatever caused this; let's deal with the more immediate problems until we can figure out and fix... Your entire back was black and beginning to swell when Arthur brought you in yesterday. Do you recall exactly what caused your injury?"

"Of course I recall what happened. I was flung into a tree," Merlin crossed his arms in disapproval at his guardian's lack of sufficient panic over the fact that He. Was. A. _Girl_.

"Yes, we figured that much. Do you remember how it happened?" Gaius grabbed Merlin's arm and began to steer him away from the mirror.

"Um, there were the knights all fighting. They attacked each other, and while they were distracted a sorcerer tried to cast a spell at Arthur. He said some stuff I couldn't hear so I only caught the bit he shouted at the end. I knocked Arthur over so he wouldn't be hit but it got me instead. I raised a shield to block it, but part of his spell broke through and it knocked me back. The red bit rebounded on the sorcerer and he died. THe knights all collapsed and I didn't see what happened after that."

"And do you remember what he said?" the old man asked urgently. "This could be important to figuring out what happened to you."

"Um, yeah… I remember it exactly. He said 'naefre biþ gecennan samod mæg' and then flung this ball of red and pink at Arthur. Do you know what that means Gaius?"

"No, not off hand. I'll have to look that up and see if I can find what it means, but first things first. Let's get your back taken care of. Honestly I'm surprised you're up and about after the hit you took," Gaius shook his head. "In any event I need you to remove your bandage and lay down on the bed. I'm going to go get some more salve and come see how it looks."

Gaius ducked out of the door before Merlin could protest. After a moment of staring at the closed door, Merlin shook his head, ignoring the way his hair brushed over his shoulders. A quick examination of the bandage revealed that the end was tucked in under the top layer just above his pants. His entire torso was swathed in white gauze; surely the damage hadn't extended that far? Trying very hard not to think about anything at all, he began to unwind the bandage. Now that he was trying to move his arms more, he began to feel dull shots of pain tugging at his back and shoulders as he unraveled himself. It wasn't unbearable though, so he disregarded it.

"Great. Just great. This is not how I pictured having a girl in a state of undress in my room for the first time," he mumbled, feeling completely miserable. "Nothing can happen normally for me can it?"

He paused as the last bit of bandage fell away from is chest and stared. Curious despite himself he began to examine the new additions to his body. He poked one finger into the fleshy mound on the right watching the way it trembled. He cupped one with a hand and leaned his head down to stare at the nipple. It was bigger than the one he had as a male, and – he gasped- considerably more sensitive. He raised his finger to try brushing it again, but froze before it made contact. No. Absolutely not. This was not normal, and Gaius was coming back in a moment and there was no way he was going to get caught fondling his own breasts. That would just be beyond the weird that things currently were. He dropped the breast he was cupping and flung himself onto his bed. Damn it! He shifted around until he was resettled comfortably, without feeling like his chest was being crushed. He cushioned his head on his arms and settled in to wait. As he was waiting he realized that his body felt heavy… very nearly as heavy as his eyelids.

Several voices in the room below his own jerked him out of the light doze he hadn't realized he had fallen into. Why were there so many voices in Gaius's chambers? Merlin tried to gather his thoughts. Oh of course, Gaius was treating the knights after yesterday's battle with the knights. A familiar voice cut through the crowd. Arthur. Merlin smiled and stretched at the familiar sound of Arthur barking out orders. Then Merlin's shot upright, ignoring the dull pain radiating through his back at sudden the movement. Arthur! He couldn't possibly risk Arthur barging into his room and seeing him like _this_. Looking around the room quickly, no there was no where for him to hide except, yeah that would work. He grabbed the blanket from the bed to wrap around himself (because darned if he would get caught half naked if he was caught) and then shimmied under the bed. Eww, he really needed to clean up under here more often. He settled the blanket so that a bit was bunched under his head and then stilled, straining to hear. The sounds in Gaius's work chambers were more muffled from under the bed, so there was no chance that he was going to be able to make out what anyone down the stairs was saying now, but he was hardly going to go strolling out there to see what was going on. He let his head to the floor with a thud. Here he was hiding under his bed from his best friend and, oh yeah, _boss_ because he'd been cursed. He'd thought his day had been miserable before.

* * *

"Gaius?" Arthur called as he rapped on the physician's door. He was running behind that morning since his normal servant was incapacitated. Having a strange and untrained servant come to tend him that morning left him feeling irritable. There were no jokes, or taunts exchanged, only a quiet and efficient silence from the servant in question. What had been his name? Evan? Ivan? Well, Arthur was going to make sure the boy wasn't going to tend him after that performance this morning. He had been way too… efficient. In fact no one but Merlin was ever going to attend him ever again. He'd just deal with things himself until Merlin came back to work.

The door opened. Gaius stood back, beckoning him in with one hand. Arthur glanced about the room. His knights sat and stood in various postures of attention around the room, some speaking quietly, others avoiding each other nervously. Arthur didn't see Merlin anywhere.

"Ah Sire. There you are. I was just about finished with your knights. All but three are cleared to return to practice today."

"Three? I thought Percival was the worst."

"Yes he was the worst, but it would seem that Alfric is showing signs of confusion. I fear he may have been hit harder than we had realized before. And then there is Leon's leg. His cut isn't very deep but it does seem to have gotten a slight infection. I've given them all medicine, and of course Alfric's servant is going to have to tend him for the day and keep on him to make sure his condition doesn't worsen, but he has returned to his own quarters as per his request."

"Is that safe?"

"Lucas will tend him and he has strict instructions on how to care for him and to come and get me the instant he notices any change in Alfric's behavior. It's not an extreme case, a very mild concussion, so I see no reason why he should not return to his quarters to recover when he has someone willing to care for him there."

"Good, that's good then. Hear that? The rest of you lot have to report for practice," Arthur informed his men. There was a chorus of groans that met this announcement. Arthur smirked at the expected response.

"However I am a generous man, so practice will be postponed until tomorrow when we are all completely rested. Now stop cluttering up Gaius's chambers so the man can work."

Cheers met his announcement. And all of his knights trooped out, several clapping him on the shoulder, or bowing their heads in respect as they passed. All of them had looked at him with an apology in their eyes. They were going to have to work through the damage that sorcerer's action had caused the morale among his men. Tomorrow would be soon enough. Today they would hopefully take some time to just keep each other company or to contemplate their relationships within the unit. Or maybe they'd just sleep all day and go get drunk in the tavern that night. Eh, whatever worked to bring them back together before he had to come up with a speech rousing enough to put their lingering guilt at ease.

Finally he found himself alone with Gaius.

"How's Merlin?"

"He's resting still. I took some medicine to him this morning. It has a tendency to induce sleep so the patient does not suffer during recovery."

"If he were awake he'd be flopping around moaning about how unfair life is or some such nonsense. It's probably a good thing." A beat of silence and then, "Can I see him?"

"Ah… it's probably best if you don't sire. The medicine is meant to cause sleep, but knowing Merlin he'd be the one case in a hundred who is capable of waking up under the effects of the potion if disturbed, and frankly I'm unwilling to risk it."

"Of course not," Arthur agreed quickly. "How long do you think it will take him to recover?"

"That is uncertain at this point sire. It could be several days before he is up and about. I am still unable to determine whether or not there is damage in his back, never mind spell damage he may have incurred from attacking a sorcerer."

Several days just to find out if he was going to be ok? What a horrible thought! If Merlin was gone for too long he'd have to put up with what's his name. Oh sure he didn't have to keep him round for everything he put on Merlin but he would still need him to bring up his breakfast and draw his baths, and if Uther found some death to celebrate between now and then he would have to be tended at any banquets. Really, what had Merlin been thinking getting in the middle of a battle with knights and a sorcerer? Of course he feeling put out because now he was inconvenienced by Merlin's ailment. That was all the tight feeling in his chest meant; it was his annoyance at having to deal with what's his name. Of course that was all it was.

* * *

"Merlin?" Gaius's voice broke disrupted his wallowing in his own despair and he rather resented the interruption.

"Are they gone?" Merlin asked, refusing to move if there was even the slightest chance that he was going to be seen the way he was by anyone other than himself and Gaius.

"All of them. I told Arthur you were still too injured to have visitors and that it would be a few days yet before you'd be able to get up and about."

"Bless you!" Merlin began to pull himself out from underneath the bed, clutching the blanket around him as he stood straight. "I don't know what I would have done had Arthur seen me like this. And this'll give us some time to research what to do about," he waved a hand that encompassed his new form.

"Yes, yes. I am good, aren't I? But I still need to look at your back, so please lay down. Erm, I think if you turn the blanket around so the middle covers you chest you can lay down so that the edges can be moved," the old man spoke awkwardly.

"Eh? Oh."

Gaius turned his back while his ward adjusted the blanket and lay down on the narrow bed. At Merlin's indication that he was decent and ready to be examined Gaius turned back around and settled on the edge of the bed. He brushed Merlin's hair out of the way and stared. The bruises on Merlin's back no longer covered the expanse of his back and had faded, only a faint brown tinged with yellow and green about the edges. Never in all his life had Gaius seen such a rapid reduction of swelling and bruising. He knew for a fact that the salve he applied was not that miraculous.

"How peculiar," Gaius murmured thoughtfully to himself.

"_What's_ peculiar?" He raised his head a bit.

"Hmmmm, it would appear that your injury is healing at a rapid rate. It's almost like the bruising is weeks into recovery instead of just one day. I'm not certain if it's your own magic or the spell that hit you, but whatever it is seems to be accelerating the healing process. I wonder."

"What?" Merlin tensed. He felt his hair being shoved back out of the way by the back of one of Gaius's hands. Doubtlessly his fingers were all covered with that smelly gunk so Merlin reached up and pulled his hair down until it rested between his neck and shoulder out of the old man's way.

"Yes. That could be it. If the spell restructured your body, then it could have healed most of the damage in the process. Of course where the damage was not extreme it may simply have caused new growth."

"Oh. What does that mean?"

"It means, Merlin, that if the spell advanced the rate of healing and regrowth this might also explain the length of your hair and nails now."

"Oh. I had wondered about that. It didn't really make sense for a sorcerer to try and spell Arthur's hair long." Merlin brooded.

Gaius continued to rub foul smelling stuff onto Merlin's back. Neither talked while the old physician worked. The silence was broken briefly when Gaius told Merlin to sit up so he could apply fresh bandages. Finally he stood, telling Merlin that he was going to start looking for books that may have some kind of answer for them.

"Yeah, I'm going to have a quick mental breakdown. When I get finished with that I'll join you with the spell book and we can see if there's anything useful in there."

"I'll keep supper warm in case you finish breaking down before midnight."

* * *

End Notes: Thanks to all of you who left me a review even though I was a little dubious about the story myself. Knowing you were willing to actually leave a review really made me willing to keep going. If I could send cookies via internet you'd all be munching monster cookies right now. Ok gushy feelings out of the way, I must now check my list. Let's see; Merlin's spontaneous growth of long flowing locks when there's absolutely no reason for the magic to care about the length of his hair? Check. Justifiable excuse for a sorcerer to cast a spell that resulted in breasts instead of immediate death? Ah crappy. Looks like that'll have to wait till next time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Destiny is Laughing  
**Rating:** T (subject to change)  
**Pairings:** Arthur/Merlin (possible other pairings as the story progresses)  
**Warnings:** language, AU, fem/Merlin, mild violence (subject to expansion as the story progresses)  
**Disclaimer:** Same old, same old.

* * *

"Alright, let me get this straight." Merlin raised his hands to halt his mentor's speculation long enough for him to translate what he was hearing into plain English. "That guy cast a sterility spell at Arthur. I disrupt the spell and my magic merges with it. My magic warps the initial spell to such an extent that even if we _knew_ the full spell that the sorcerer had used on Arthur it couldn't even be used to reversed since my magical interference essentially made it a completely different spell. So basically I am damned for all eternity."

"It's not a general sterility spell. It's a spell that ensures he can't have children with any female, and you aren't damned, certainly not for all eternity. Worse case scenario is you'll be a female for the rest of your life," Gaius disagreed, laying down the magnifying crystal he used for reading.

"Oh well if it's only for the rest of my life then that's okay considering that my life will be alarmingly short once our beloved king discovers that I've been cursed. Brilliant. You know if I'd known what the spell was I would never have bothered to block it. So what if Arthur can't have any children with any _female_. What difference does _that_ make?"

"There are several magical creatures that are capable of taking the appearance of a female while remaining a male. If he wanted to have an heir, then it would have to be with a magical creature capable of providing one, which would mean a lift on the magic ban. If he were to refuse to have an heir then the Pendragon line would end."

"That'll just make him hate magic and Camelot will just go to whoever is next in line to inherit." The warlock flapped a dismissive hand and repeated his earlier question, "What difference_ does_ that make?"

"Merlin, Arthur _is_ the last of his line. There are no heirs, no cousins to inherit. There are any number of nobles who could argue their right to the throne, and be assured that should Arthur die without a legitimate heir that they will. Camelot will be divided and fractured from within, and the neighboring kingdoms would not hesitate to strike at such a weakness. Arthur _must_ bear an heir."

Merlin considered this for a moment before cocking a brow.

"You know, considering how important you make him knocking someone up sound, he certainly gets put in a lot of situations where he's likely to get creamed by the magical beast of the week before he can take care of the problem."

Gaius stared with a disapproving brow.

"What? I'm just saying."

"Yes well, Arthur also has to lead the knights and learn how to defend the kingdom in case Camelot is ever invaded or needs to go to war. These encounters prepare him for future threats and will make him a strong king."

"Yeah, as long as he survives to become king. Speaking as the one who's supposed to help get him there, I have to admit to feeling a little concern over our bi-weekly encounters because frankly, I'm a magic user not a miracle worker. Except we are completely off topic and are not focusing on the real problem here. The problem is not that Arthur's family lacks planning skills; the problem is that I have breasts. Breasts! And they're not even very big," he cupped the soft mounds of his chest with a disappointed expression at them before his brain caught up with what he was saying. Merlin planted his face in one hand with his eyes closed tightly. "I did not just say that."

"Um, yes, actually, you did." Gaius pressed a fist to his mouth in slightly unsuccessful attempt to muffle his amusement.

"Shut _up_! It's not funny!"

"It"_-mpheehehhehe-_ "it"-_wheeze_- "it kind of is."

"Oh yes. Laugh at the protector of the brat prince of Camelot. This is unacceptable. I really should have just let Arthur take the hit. If _anyone_ deserves to be a girl it's him."

"Well if it's any consolation all of the women around here wear dresses and those are designed to accentuate a woman's figure. Your chest probably isn't as small as you seem to think it is," Gaius pointed out diplomatically. Then he doubled over, his laughter rolling around the room to the sound of Merlin's protests. After several minutes the old man began to regain his composure, capable of keeping to chuckles and sniggers as long as he didn't look directly at the sour expression of his ward.

The sudden knock on the door caused them both to freeze, Gaius's laughter and Merlin's embarrassment killed by the threat of imminent discovery. Merlin whipped his head around, the pony tail he had tied his hair into earlier now smacking his cheek as he searched for a place to hide. There was no way he would make it into the bedroom without the door being heard by whoever was there, and with his luck it would be Arthur and he'd want to see Merlin if he thought the warlock was awake. Gaius flung his hand out and Merlin's eyes followed Gaius's pointing finger toward the corner. Then without looking to see if Merlin obeyed the old man stood and hurried toward the door to answer the knock calling for them to wait just a minute.

Merlin lunged up and dove behind the pile of books sitting on and under and around the table in the corner. Gaius's life work of studies devoted to science would be of no interest to anyone, so hopefully the girl in Merlin's clothes huddled behind the stacks of books wouldn't be noticed.

"Evening Gaius."

Arthur. Of course it was. Merlin cringed and flattened himself as close to the floor as possible without knocking into any stacks.

"Ah, come to check on Merlin have you? I'm sure he'll be pleased to hear that when he wakes," Gaius answered in his best I-am-not-hiding-something-from-you voice. You had to really know him well to realize that he was preparing himself to spew his most impressive line of bull should he need to.

"That won't be necessary. Tell me, how long until the rest of my knights are ready to return to training?" Arthur answered.

Merlin's nails scraped against the floor as his fingers curled into claws at Arthur's words. He didn't _care_. Merlin had ended the spell on the knights getting injured and cursed for his efforts and Arthur Pendragon couldn't care less.

"Ah. I should give it another couple of days to be safe."

"Good." Arthur glanced up at Merlin's room and continued in a casual voice, "Still not up to visitors is he?"

"I'm afraid not Sire," Gaius answered.

"Well, I need to know what kind of arrangements I'll be needing to make until he recovers. Until then I guess I'm stuck with a servant that shows up for work and is ten times more efficient than Merlin for the next little while. See that he reports as soon as he's able," Arthur rolled his eyes unaware of the angry tears he caused to be prickling in his servant's eyes at his dismissal. Merlin snarled at his _employer's_ cavalier attitude. How dare he? Just who the hell did that clotpole think he was just dismissing Merlin like that?

The warlock heard the door close, but he didn't react immediately. His body was trembling with the urge to race after the arrogant prince and beat him around the head until he acknowledged everything that Merlin had ever done for him. There was no way that loser servant was better than Merlin just because he was able to show up on time and… and… whatever else he was doing to make Arthur think he was better. The books around him began to shiver in sympathy with Merlin's building rage at the unfairness of it all. Around the room items began to jerk into the air.

"Merlin! What are you doing? Merlin! Stop this at once!"

Dimly Merlin was aware of his mentor's shouts, but it was difficult to hear him through the light. The light was golden and it pulsed around the female boy where he crouched before it flooded through the room in a blinding flash. Silence… And then a head of dark hair slowly appeared from behind the stacks of books that were once more resting on the table.

The fire poker and billows were currently in the middle of starting a fire. The floating broom was sweeping the ceiling, tearing down cobwebs that had been years if not decades in the making and sending billows of dust dancing through the air. The leather satchel paused in the middle of stacking the medical books on Gaius's work bench with its strap and was now flipping through the patient book that Gaius kept to record his treatments with something that could only be described as interest. A rag was cheerfully wiping down Gaius's tubes and another scrubbing at stains on the table with the aid of a bucket of water.

Wide blue eyes warily regarded the old man standing in the middle of the room staring at the cleaning going on around him. He turned around to stare at Merlin who slowly stood up with guilt hunched shoulders. Gaius seemed to be wavering between impressed at the warlock's power and apoplectic fury at his use of magic.

"I don't know what just happened, but it wasn't me."

Gaius blinked at him incredulously, "I can't believe you actually managed to say that with a straight face."

* * *

The boy was cleaning his armor. It was barely turning dark with the beginning of sunset and the boy wasn't making excuses to put it off till later or asking if he could take the armor to his own rooms to work on it, or pointing out that it had been clean before Arthur had felt the need to go beat up some hapless knights. Food was laid on his table as he'd mentioned off hand earlier that he wasn't dining with his father for supper and was still _hot_. The pile of laundry he had thrown in the corner was missing, and if he checked his wardrobe, likely clean and hung with careful precision.

Arthur felt his eye twitching.

"Leave me."

"Sire?" the boy turned his big brown eyes on Arthur. He had a heavily freckled face and ginger red hair and was a highly qualified servant. He wasn't at all pale, and his hair was too… red. Arthur didn't want to look at him while he was eating.

"Evan, you can take your work to the armory and finish it there."

The boy quickly gathered the armor in a neat pile that didn't totter and look like it was about to fall any second and stood.

"Yes Sire. I'll be back up to help you prepare for bed as soon as I'm done."

"No. Take the armor and go. When you're finished you can have the rest of the night to yourself. I won't need you until tomorrow morning."

"Thank you Sire. I will see you in the morning," he managed to give a respectful bow of his head without dislodging any of the armor and then navigated through the doorway and down the hall. Arthur went to the door waited but no loud crashing noises floated back to his bedroom from the staircase. He slammed the door shut and went to the table and his still hot dinner. He struck the soup with the back of his spoon sending up a small geyser of cream and chopped mushrooms.

"Merlin, you _idiot_."

* * *

While they knew what the spell was for they were still no closer to a cure than they were before. This was a bad thing. And it wouldn't be much longer before Gaius was no longer able to put Arthur off when he came by to check on Merlin and ask when he's going to be back to work. Speaking of which it was outrageously unfair of Arthur to be demanding that Merlin get back to work in the same breath he used to proclaim that his current servant to be what was it? Oh yes, '_ten times more efficient'_ than Merlin was. His neckerchief, sensing his deteriorating mood, cuddled against his cheek with a soothing coo. He raised a hand to pet it absently, sending the friendly bit of cloth into paroxysms of delight.

"Merlin stop scowling. The tea pot still won't come out from under the desk, and if you keep it up you'll send the cups running too," Gaius disapproved severely. It was hardly the tea set's fault that Merlin was a girl and his taking it out on them was totally uncalled for. Of course losing control of his magic in a burst that had animated more than half of the objects in the room had been rather uncalled for as well, but the least Merlin could do if he was going to go around losing control of his magic was not to antagonize his dishes. He flipped to the next page of his book in search of a counter spell for animated objects. They were just lucky he'd managed to pour the tea before the pot had scuttled off into hiding. Gaius looked at his cups with pursed lips. "Perhaps you should go apologize to it again. I'm running a bit low on tea and I'll need more soon."

Merlin crossed his arms defensively. Then he had to re-cross them, and then again trying to figure out what was the most comfortable way to hold his arms without smooshing his boobs. "Look I said I was sorry to it already. What more does it want?"

"Maybe you should sound like you mean it this time?"

"Maybe I would mean it more if a tea pot's hurt feelings were high on my list of priorities right now. I'm a girl. Arthur is stupid. My magic feels more powerful. It's growing out of control. You satchel is trying to sneak extra ingredients into Old Man Wedrun's memory potion. I've only recently convinced the mop to stop trying to hump my leg. We can't figure out how to fix me and –oh _alright_, I'll go apologize to the tea kettle!" Merlin threw his hands up in the air in defeat. Shoving back from the small table he went to crouch down by the desk where the missing pot was cowering.

"Oi! What do you think you're doing?" Merlin felt the air from Gaius's passing as he rushed over to chastise his medical bag for its meddling.

Merlin felt guilty when he saw the way the pot started trembling when it noticed him looking at it. Sure the pot's feelings hadn't been a priority in the face of his own woes, but well… he felt himself softening in sympathy. It had to be having a difficult time of it too suddenly finding itself alive and with feelings, and then to have someone glaring at it for reasons that it didn't understand and that weren't even it's fault to begin with. In a way the tea pot had it even worse than him. He at least understood what was happening to him, and no one was blaming him for someone else's mistake.

"Hey," he kept his voice low and soothing, speaking the way he would to a startled animal. "I know I was glaring earlier, but I wasn't glaring at you I promise. I was upset and it had nothing to do with you." He reached a conciliatory hand forward. "I'm sorry, ok? I really didn't mean to upset you." His fingers brushed against the pot. The pot shivered nervously but cautiously allowed his touch. He continued to pet the kettle, apologizing and telling it what a good tea pot it was. His neckerchief began to grumble at the attention the tea pot was getting. He raised his free hand and began to pet the scarf with his other hand. The red material did its happy dance against his neck, rubbing and making its soft cooing sounds. Not to be ignored the kettle toddled forward so it was within easier reach so it could keep getting pettings too.

"Think you know better than me do you? You cheeky bit of leather! Why I ought to…"

Merlin very pointedly chose not to think about the weird his life was as the sound of crashing glass and a heated one sided argument filled the room behind him.

"Merlin, we have got to get this spell reversed before anyone sees all this!" Gaius huffed from behind him. Merlin shifted back on his haunches and resettled so that he was sitting cross legged on the floor with his back propped against the desk. He stared up at his mentor taking in the damage. Gaius's hair was sticking up in tufts on his head and his face was flushed. Behind the old man the broom and mop were happily cleaning up the spilled glass and the liquids therein. Thankfully, Merlin noted, the mop seemed to be developing an interest in the broom. Merlin scowled as he remembered the earlier incident with the amorous mop. Gaius's deserved a disrespectful bag for saying that the mop liked him because he was twiggy. He was not _twiggy_, he was… slender.

"Your bag proved it was better at making potions than you are, did it?" Merlin asked knowingly.

Gaius's eyes flashed dangerously as he rattled the leather bag in Merlin's face as if the boy turned girl needed the extra evidence of his own culpability in the matter. The leather strap flailed in the air and it was growling viciously at its owner.

"It is _NOT_ a better potion maker than _I_ am," Gaius snarled. He paused to take a deep breath. Apparently this gave him the time to consider his next words, and the old man laced them with dire warning. "We must break the enchantment on my rooms before this night ends."

"Awww, but it seems so wrong to break the enchantment now that they have feelings and all. I mean how would you like it if someone said you can't have feelings because it was inconvenient for them?" He noticed the look on Gaius's face "Oh sorry. I forget who you work for sometimes. Still can't we, you know, keep them like this as long as they promise to behave when we have company?" He tickled the pot that came to rest against his thigh. It gave an adorable little chirp of encouragement and nuzzled his fingers.

"Need I remind you _why_ having free range cleaning supplies and temperamental dishes are not in our best interest?"

"I wonder if the enchantment is only in these rooms though. I mean, do you think they'd still be wandering around if they got outside?"

Gaius's eyes bulged.

"We will not be finding out!" he squawked.

"Of course not," Merlin agreed quickly. If he stressed his mentor out any more then the throbbing vein on his forehead was likely to burst. He picked up the pot and held it out in a peace offering. "Tea?"

* * *

"Gaius," Arthur called as he walked into the physician's chambers.

The old man jumped liked a startled rabbit and whirled around, clutching one hand to his chest. Arthur reared back at the extreme response. They stared at each other.

"Sire," the old man gasped. "I wasn't expecting you. What are you doing here?"

Gaius's gaze slid to something past Arthur's shoulder and a look of alarm flashed over his face. Arthur twisted around to see what had caused the old man to stare behind him. The door remained standing open behind him and there was no one in the hall beyond. There was a small pile of glass that had been swept off into a corner out of the way of anyone walking in, and a broom resting innocently against the wall beside it. Arthur turned back to the old man.

"I came to see if Merlin was any better. Gaius… Are you alright?"

"Yes, fine. I'm fine Sire, thank you," Gaius spoke too quickly and his eyes kept darting to something behind Arthur. Arthur gave him a look and walked over to the door to peer out into the hallway. There was no one out there. He pulled back into the room to look back at Gaius.

"Are you sure?"

At this the physician seemed to realize how he was behaving. He smoothed the front of his robes and schooled his features settled into a more typical expression of benign competence.

"Forgive me my prince, I was up most of the night with Merlin, I'm afraid I'm not quite myself at the moment."

"It's Arthur Gaius. You've treated me since I was a baby. He's still unconscious then is he?" Arthur couldn't keep the concern (concern for _Gaius_, the man wasn't getting any younger after all) from his voice. "You should have someone helping you with your work. You look tired. I'll make sure to send a servant to help you out, so you can get some rest. I'm sure Gwen would be more than willing; she's… quite taken with him."

"I _can_ use help running medicines to my regulars," a dark look clouded Gaius's face as though he were remembering something quite annoying before he looked back at his prince with a small smile. "That's very generous, thank you for considering me Arthur."

"Yes, well keep me updated won't you?" Arthur turned to go, and then he paused. Had that mop been over there earlier? Of course it had been. It must have been…except he honestly couldn't remember it being there before… He stared at the mop and broom in the corner as he walked out the door. Huh. He shook his head and headed for the training grounds.

* * *

"Oh sure, he worries about you. I'm in there on death's door for all he knows and he's content to just ask 'Oh hey yeah, how's that guy who works for me again? What was his name, Melrin? Marvin? Yeah him, is he still alive?'" Since his voice as a female was much higher than before he had to really deepen his voice to mock Arthur with a particularly stupid rendition of his… his _stupidity_.

He stomped down the stairs in his regular boots that he now had to wear _two_ pairs of socks to keep them from slipping around on his narrower and more delicate feet. He'd already sewed the cuff up on his shirt sleeve to keep it from falling over his hands all the time and so that he didn't have to bother rolling them up every time that he put the shirt on. Luckily his waist was much the same size as before even if his pants did pull more tightly across his hips and were snug between his legs. Also Merlin wasn't much shorter as a female than he had been as a male so he hadn't had to worry about the legs of his pants. The pants were a bit longer than they had been but as long as he wore his boots they bunched and he didn't have to bother with rolling them up as he did his sleeves. He had his hair pulled back with his scarf today and it seemed content with braiding and then smoothing it out before going back to playing with his now long hair.

"Well _Melrin_, stop working yourself up. We can't risk you losing control of your magic in a hissy fit."

"What? I was not having a hissy fit last night! And even if I was it was only because Arthur was being stupid and prattish. Even more so than usual I mean. And-"

"And nothing. Come eat your breakfast. We've got to figure out what we're going to do. Arthur nearly walked in on that blasted broom."

"But he didn't!" Merlin pointed out in triumph. "I told you they were willing to behave when we've got outsiders in here. They're quite clever if I do say so myself."

"Too bad their creator can't say the same of 'herself'."

"Oh now that's a low blow. We've agreed not to talk about it!" Merlin protested.

Gaius waved him over to the table. "Yes yes. You're quite right. No conversations on your gender that don't center on correcting the problem. I'm sorry my boy."

Slightly mollified Merlin joined him. A bowl filled with unappetizing gruel ambled over to him and another bowl with sugar thankfully ambled over with it and began spooning the sweetener into his breakfast in an attempt to salvage it. Merlin smiled and thanked it. The sugar dish strolled over and gave Gaius's bowl the same treatment. Gaius frowned, trying to recall where it came from (and since when did he have sugar in his rooms?), but he thanked the bowl nonetheless. They ate in silence for a few minutes. For the first time in all his years Gaius could remember his breakfast tasted good. The tea was also sweetened when the pot poured them some tea to drink for their meal.

"Although there are some practical considerations that need to be dealt with."

"Such as?" Merlin swirled his spoon around mixing in the sweet substance. The sugar bowl had strolled over to add more. The tea pot came to sit at Merlin's elbow and topped up his cup after every other sip or so. He rubbed his knuckles over its handle every time it did.

"Such as getting you new clothes for one thing. You'll need a dress if you're going to be a female for too much longer."

Merlin choked on the actually tasty (so long as one didn't count its texture) porridge.

"I do NOT need a dress. What's wrong with wearing my own clothes?" Merlin wanted to know. The tail of his scarf twisted around to pet his cheek in an attempt to cheer him up.

"And we'll need to come up with a story for where you came from if you're going to be staying here," Gaius ignored him.

"No."

"And there's also- Wait, what do you mean 'no'?" Gaius frowned at him.

Merlin took a deep breath and set his spoon into the bowl. He pushed the bowl away and then lifted the teapot so it was back in the center of the table. He folded his slender hands on the table top and looked his mentor in the eye.

"I thought about it all night last night. There is absolutely no way I can stay here like this so I'm leaving."

"Leaving? But what about Arthur and your destiny together? He needs you. Who will shield him from magical attacks?"

"Gaius I am useless in my current form to Arthur. As a woman I can't be his man servant. I wouldn't be taken on hunts so I wouldn't be able to protect him while he was out. The best thing I can do for Arthur's safety, and my own, is to leave and try to regain my natural form as quickly as possible. And I can't do that here. There's nothing in any of your books that can be of any use to me in this. No one is going to admit to knowing how to reverse such a curse in _Camelot_. So I'll have to leave the kingdom in search of magic users who _can _tell me about such things."

Gaius drew a breath to speak, but Merlin shook his head and continued before the man could speak.

"And what if Arthur were to find me like this? I'm not talking about the humiliation factor. I won't be able to lie and tell him that I'm not trying to find a way to reverse the curse, but how can I serve him if I'm openly admitting to consorting with magic? He would have to tell his father and I don't favor my chances if Uther finds out about this. The quicker I can get fixed the quicker I can return to Arthur's side… And the best way to do that is to go somewhere I can get the help I do need."

"But where will you go?" Gaius sounded a little lost. It had never even occurred to him that the female boy would leave Camelot because of this. Of course there was truth to Merlin's words that his own help had proven to be of little effect in this matter.

"To start with, I thought I would go back to Ealdor and begin my search from there."

"You're returning to Hunith?" Eyebrows nearly climb off his face; Gaius was so startled by the thought. The old man looked toward the door as though expecting someone to be lurking and listening to them and then forward to ask, "But what am I supposed to tell Arthur if you leave?"

"Tell him the truth. That I'm recovered enough from my injury but I was hit by a spell when I was trying to help and now I'm going to look for a cure that I won't be able to find here in Camelot. Just leave out the bit where my powers are being a bit, well, actually just leave out my powers completely. 'Was cursed, gone for help. ' If we keep it simple, even Arthur should be able to understand."

Perhaps it would be for the best if Merlin were to leave Camelot for a while. He may be able to meet more of his kind and learn in ways that he could not so long as he was a servant of the Pendragons. Perhaps he could find more books on his journey. There were only so many spells and subjects one magic book would be able to cover. Gaius looked into Merlin's blue eyes and saw the determination shining back out at him.

"Hunith did help you learn to control your powers once already. Perhaps she can help prevent more…" Gaius waved his hand in an encompassing gesture toward his workroom before wrapping both of his hands around his cup. He raised it to his lips as he continued to consider his nephew's plans.

"Yeah, I know. This is going to be really strange for both of us, but she already knows about my powers, and she'll understand better than your books what I'm going through now. Besides," Merlin pulled a face, "sometimes all a girl really needs is his mother."

Gaius choked on his tea.

* * *

End Notes: Has anyone else noticed that when Merlin gets turned into a girl he never goes to the one female figure of authority he has in his life who already knows all about his magic?  
And the animated tea pots and cleaning supplies that may or may not allude to the Sword in the Stone? Yep those. Gaius and Merlin will never get rid of them.  
I'm sorry for those of you who reviewed and said you were waiting for Arthur to find out. It's going to be a bit yet before Arthur catches the 'Merlin is a Girl' train. Please bear with me while I finish the setting up the story. Thank you all who did review though, and encouraged me to continue. I really like knowing where the interest is in my story, and I would _especially_ appreciate feedback on this chapter because I really had issues with writing it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Destiny is Laughing  
**Rating: **T (subject to change)  
**Pairings:** Arthur/Merlin (possible others as story progresses)  
**Warnings: **Language, AU, fem/Merlin, mild violence (subject to expansion as the story progresses)  
**Disclaimer:** Nope, hasn't changed.

* * *

Merlin hitched the light pack higher onto his shoulder and adjusted the cloak he wore. His hands were wrapped around the package Gaius had shoved at him claiming it was a gift to his mother. The package was a long pole bound in tightly wrapped cloth. One end of the pole had a large lump and the whole thing wriggled against in his grasp.

Merlin chose not to think about it. He was getting better at this not thinking game.

He slipped into the hallway with the ease of familiarity. At the stairs the only light came from the moon shining through the windows. Below in the courtyard came the flickering of torches of patrolling guards. Those, Merlin knew, were the visible guards. There was a second set of guards who did not announce their presence with torch light and it was his _own_ fault. He had been joking about the amount of people who seemed to pass freely through the castle without anyone paying any attention. _Arthur _had overheard and decided it would be a brilliant idea to increase the guard at night with plain clothed guards keeping watch right along with the highly _visible _armored guards. While more lenient than the curfew imposed during witch hunts there was a curfew that the regular citizens were expected to adhere to, and guards were expected to question the comings and goings of anyone found they didn't recognize outside after dark. Uther had agreed to Arthur's experiment in changing the guard system, and it had unfortunately proved to be more effective than the traditional one so far. The hidden patrols were the ones he'd really have to watch out for since they could look like anything; although he couldn't afford to risk running into _any_ of them, not in his current state. No one would recognize him as a girl and he would be questioned for being out late so late without a good reason. That would mean running into Arthur as a _girl_. He shuddered.

The boy took a deep breath and began a slow descent down the stairs. One step, two. Slowly so as to not make noise with his too big shoes, he crept along, trying to stay as much in the shadows as possible. Bottom of the final set of stairs- finally! He only had three more hallways, a courtyard, a stable, saddling a horse, passing a double drawbridge and a ride through town to go; all without being caught by any guards, the night shift servants, or stable hands.

Merlin almost whimpered, but that would have given him away.

Three episodes of ducking into alcoves to hide from overly dedicated maids, and one elderly manservant, Merlin finally reached the final stretch of the castle portion of the evening's entertainment. Soon he would be at the next obstacle. He slowed to a stop when he reached the landing leading to the archways that led into the courtyard. It was nighttime so there would only be one guard instead of the regular two that would be stationed there during the day. That would mean that Arthur would probably have a hidden guard somewhere nearby. First things first though. He crept forward until he had a view of the guard and was able to see through both columned doors. The guard stood outside the front and the side one… had a bucket resting against one wall. Merlin grinned. A flash of gold and the bucket was rattling along the ground. The guard jumped to attention and hurried around the corner to investigate. Merlin raced past him until he was hidden behind a pillar away from view of the guard.

Ok one down. Merlin contemplated his next move. He leaned to peer around his pillar but was unable to see any other guards. That didn't mean they weren't there though. There had to be at _least_ one more to sneak past as he snuck through the courtyard, possibly more than that. Working for Arthur meant Merlin had an idea of the new system, but Arthur was the only one who knew where the guards were going to be stationed on any given night. And that wasn't counting the fact that he would have to stay out of view of the guards along the castle walls and the ones who patrolled the balcony directly above the courtyard. That meant he'd have to make sure he didn't get seen by _any _of the four guards overhead. The mop (and possibly the broom as well), for surely that was what the long package he was holding contained, began to wiggle again. He thumped it with a finger.

"Shhh! Come on, are you trying to get us caught?"

He glanced around, worried now that he may have caught somebody's attention with his sharp whisper. When no shouts or booted feet came thumping over the cobblestones toward his hiding spot he sagged against his pillar. He raised the package. "Just be still until we get out of here can you?"

The mop (and possibly the broom as well) stilled in his hand, and he sighed in relief that it was willing to listen.

Merlin leaned back around to consider his options. He could move from here to that shadow to _that_ one. From there he could make it to that gargoyle there that he could hide behind. It was situated on the corner so he would be able to hide from guards in either direction. He'd be in the open for an uncomfortable stretch to reach the gargoyle, but he'd have a good vantage point to watch for guards while he plotted his next move. His eyes swiveled around and… now! He raced toward the first patch of darkness. Another quick glance assured no one was coming and he skidded into the next shadow, just in time to see a figure approaching his hiding spot. He shrank closer to the wall and froze. Heavy footsteps drew near. No that was his heart thumping against the cobblestones. How did his heart get down there? The man in simple brown clothes that were slightly too high quality to be simple peasant garb passed by, his head turning as though he were looking for something.

In spite of the danger of the situation Merlin felt a flash of irritation. Who goes around looking for something in the middle of the night without a light source? Couldn't Arthur's 'secret' guards be a little less conspicuous about their new job? It was great (if not slightly problematic at the moment) that they were getting into their new roles but they definitely needed more training in how to act like normal townsfolk. Just the way he carried himself screamed 'I'm a knight that's slumming it'. They needed some lessons on how to seem like they had a reason for being there instead of just happening to be soldiers wearing regular clothes on patrol. If he weren't hiding Merlin would heave a frustrated sigh and go tell him what he was doing wrong. As it was he held still until the man had passed as. Unfortunately he was tracing the course of the main courtyard which was going to circle back to where the warlock was hiding. Merlin looked around. He needed something that would keep the hidden guard occupied while he navigated his way out toward the stables. His eyes landed on what could possibly be the perfect distraction.

It was horrible and mean and he was going to feel bad for involving an innocent later, but… A flash of gold ensured that yowls filled the air followed closely by screams. More footsteps could be heard approaching from the guard on the other set of doors drawn by the disturbance but even with more eyes they wouldn't notice him while their attention was on the one guy under attack. Gargoyle next and hopefully no nasty surprises between here and there. Merlin steeled himself. A check assured him that the 'villager' and the armored guard from the door way by the stairs were occupied with a now infuriated cat so he managed to make it to the piece of hideous statuary. When he looked back he saw one of the guards try to kick the cat, but with a tap of magic the guard went sprawling into one of his buddies who reeled back, colliding with the next guard until all three were lying in a swearing tangled heap. The cat fled. Merlin grinned.

A movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention. An armored guard passed beyond the next corner into his line of sight. The young warlock held his breath so hard that for one vertiginous moment he felt like he was going to fall over, a feeling that was amplified by the dancing shadows cast by the torch being held aloft by a gauntleted fist. Merlin hugged his stony shield with his eyes tightly closed and prayed that if the patrol looked his way they would think him and the mop (and possibly broom) trapped between him and the gargoyle were in fact be part of it. After a moment he cracked his eye open in time to see that the guard did an about face and continued on his path back to wherever he originally started. Merlin's rested his cheek against the cool stone for a moment and tried to convince himself that he needed to pry his fingers loose. Ok focus, he ordered himself. There was another one over there and one more between him and the stables that he had to get past; just as soon as he knew this one was out of the way. He pushed himself forward and peeked around the corner, the guard was disappearing around the next bend.

Only two more to go and he could work on getting a horse without getting busted. Merlin set off in a crouching run timed so that he reached the low wall before the pacing guard turned back toward him. He miscalculated slightly as the guard turned back in his direction sooner than he expected. Time slowed. Merlin dived. Time resumed. Apparently the guard hadn't seen him because he kept walking in that infuriating pace that all of Arthur's men seemed to move at when they weren't actually chasing a criminal. He took a deep breath and shifted back onto his haunches. Once more moving in a crouch that was hampered slightly by his bag and the stick in his hand he eventually made it to the end of the wall. Beyond the wall was a low hedge that was overshadowed by the balcony above it. The problem was that while none of the guards above would be able to see him, another one of Arthur's hidden guards was wandering in the middle of the grassy area leading toward the training field and he would be able to see Merlin, keeping his attention peeled in a much more blatant fashion than the regular guards. _Damn it!_ Why couldn't the guards be as inefficient as they normally were? Or at least inefficient in a way that was useful for him?

Merlin sank onto his stomach and inched along until he was stretched out behind the low hedge. He propelled himself forward with his elbows and knees in a way that allowed him to keep his grip on the mop (and possibly broom as well) in a move similar to one that he'd seen Arthur use when crawling through the underbrush with his crossbow at the ready. The end of the low hedge came entirely too soon and now Merlin had no more coverage between himself and the stables, and that one last pesky guard. He should have checked to see if there were any sleep spells in his spell book, but if all of the city guards started falling asleep he knew Uther would freak out. Then he'd put the city under lock down, possibly roasting a few towns' people just for the sake of making a statement. The statement was something along the lines of 'I am a psychopathic megalomaniac and I could kill you_ all_ if I so choose.' Royals, the warlock had discovered, were a bit weird about asserting their dominance and it could make them a little unnerving to work for at times. Really he couldn't help but feel there were more constructive ways for them to point out they were in charge, but he sincerely doubted that any of them would listen to him, wee little peon that he was. Well Arthur might listen to him, but then he'd just point and laugh at him for being such a _girl_. Bastard would be right for a change. Merlin scowled.

He shook his head, and centered on the man walking across the green. Now back to figuring out how to get to the stables unnoticed.

Hm, tricky. This area was out in the open so there were no buckets or other objects lying about. This close to the training field if there were any objects lying about they'd likely be weapons that were missed by squires and menservants during the day. Stabbity objects would be useless for what he was trying to accomplish here. Wait a minute… the armory. He reached out a hand toward the heavy door and cast an unlocking spell at it. At this distance it was difficult to tell if it had worked but if it was no longer locked then he could use his magic to move the door. Focusing on the door he ripped it open, sending it rocking back and forth on its hinges with an ear grating squeak. The man (this one had chosen black for his night time attire) jumped and whirled toward the sound. He drew his sword and ran toward the armory. When he disappeared Merlin surged to his feet and raced for the stables.

Made it!

With his back pressed against the wall Merlin edged toward the far end of the stabled where the doors were still opened. Upon reaching the door he sank down and stuck his head around the corner checking to make sure the coast was clear. Master Ambrose, the Stable Head, actually had a small set of quarters that he stayed in whenever there was a problem with one of the horses. If this was one of those times, and Merlin wasn't up on castle gossip so he couldn't be certain it wasn't, then the man would be wandering about. And then Samson, the stable boy, usually slept in the hayloft. Merlin couldn't risk making too much noise and drawing the attention of either of them if they were there. He cautiously slipped inside, pausing at the sound of a snore. That… did not come from the loft. He tried to track the sound to find a strange man with a bottle of alcohol clutched in one hand sprawled on a pile of hay in the corner. What the _hell _was going on around here? Any other time Merlin would not have had so much trouble sneaking around. He definitely took for granted the amount of freedom being Arthur's man servant brought him. And now he had _another_ person he had to make sure he wasn't disturbing. Merlin's hands curled into strangling claws into the air before him as silent curses spilled from his mouth in a frustrated stream.

His scarf twisted around to pet his cheek, but thankfully remembered its instructions not to make any noises until they weren't in the castle at all. A lock of hair fell loose while his scarf tried to cheer him up. He blew a breath up trying to get the hair out of his face. The mop (and yeah) began to wriggle again where it rested against his shoulder and he paused to flick his finger at it and then soothed his hand along it, hoping that it would understand. He patted the scarf to assure it he was okay now. The scarf slipped around the stray strand of hair and pulled it with it when it curled back up around his ponytail. Merlin leaned the mop against one of the horse stalls, raising one finger to his lips to remind it not to make any noise. Then he felt silly because it probably wouldn't be able to see it through the thick material wrapped around it. He threw his hands up and turned back to his more immediate problem of getting a horse.

A quiet and easy horse to handle, his eyes scanned up and down the stalls until he found the chestnut mare he preferred when Arthur dragged him out on hunting trips. Perfect. He snuck toward the saddles. Using his magic he maneuvered the saddle blanket and the tack through the air behind him as he made his way toward his chosen mount. He kept a careful hold on the bridle and mouth piece to keep the soft clinking to a minimum. Just as he was lifting the saddle into place he heard a woman's giggle, and this one_ did_ come from the hayloft. His hand slipped a bit and one stirrup smacked against the stall door.

"Wait. Did you hear something?"

All of the air seemed to be sucked out of the room as absolute silence fell.

Finally a male voice answered, "Nah, didn't hear nothing."

"Are you sure we should be doing this here?"

"It's fine. The old man is at his place tonight."

'Oh well what a relief,' Merlin thought with a sour twist of his lips. A feminine groan followed a sharp gasp. He looked up at the hay filled rafters above his own head. Merlin felt his face flame as the wood above began to creak. No! No, no! This- Augh! No! Bits of hay began to filter down through the cracks between the wooden beams above. He closed his eyes.

This was so _not_ happening to him.

* * *

"So someone was sneaking into the castle?" Arthur remained comfortably sprawled in his favorite seat with his elbow propped on one arm of the chair. He rested his mouth against the knuckles of the fist over which he regarded the man standing directly before him. As the Knight Captain he was responsible for the security of the entire castle and so the captain of the regular guard dutifully reported to him every time there was anything out of the ordinary was mentioned by any of the sentries. Brendanus was a middle-aged man with peppered brown hair and a thoughtful gaze. He was a veteran of at least two wars and had been the Captain of the Guard for nearly a decade now. Arthur's gaze slid to the side to take in Reynard. The blond was only a few years older than Arthur and also one of his knights. Being both clever and loyal, he had gotten along so well with Brendanus that it had been an easy decision to appoint him the sub commander of the new guards.

"While there were a couple minor incidences throughout the night, we found no evidence of entry. And none of the gate sentries reported any persons entering into or exiting from the castle or the lower town at any point last night."

"Minor incidences," Arthur rolled the words around on his tongue. Brendanus fidgeted. "You care to elaborate on that?"

"There was an occurrence with… a bucket. There was another with a uh, with a cat, and someone apparently entered the armory. The plain clothes guard who investigated the armory did not find the source of the disturbance."

"So someone was sneaking aroundthe castle?"

"Prince Arthur, Prince Arthur! There's a horse missing!" A large man with broad shoulders and a red face stood in the doorway of the blond prince's meeting room dancing from foot to foot in agitation. His hair was black and stood up on end as though he had been running his fingers through it. "From _my_ stables, Sire!"

"Ah, Master Ambrose, come in," Arthur invited brightly and straightened. "Why I do believe we were discussing that very issue."

He flicked a pointed glance at the other men, who shrank under his attention, before turning back to the stable master.

"It was magic, Sire. It had to have been."

"That will be investigated as soon as we have any leads. Now how was it discovered that one of the horses was missing?"

"I just came in this morning to start tending my duties and there was a stall standing as empty as you please. I hollered for Samson to get down from the loft -that's where he regularly stays of the night since his parents went missing- and he said he hadn't heard nothing last night. And Old Walker, he was a sleeping on some hay and he ain't seen nothing either. Not that he'd be up to seeing much mind, drunk as _he_ was. But who could have taken a horse right from under Samson's nose without him a noticing a thing? It had to be magic!"

'_Old Walker?'_

He was almost tempted to ask why there was apparently a drunken man sleeping in his stable hay last night but he knew Ambrose was prone to going off on so many tangents when he was speaking that he made his manservant seem coherent. He was of course referring to his real manservant, not the boy who was currently filling in for his servant.

"As I said, that will be investigated." Arthur raised a warning brow that would make Gaius proud. Accusations of magic were not something to be casually flung about since that was just the sort of thing that would catch his father's attention. Arthur hadn't slept well last night and frankly he had no desire to be subjected one of his father's harangues on the evils of magic just because one of his stable hands misplaced a horse. "Rest assured if any signs of magic use are discovered I will personally track down the one responsible for breaking the law. Which horse was taken?"

Hopefully it wasn't his.

"It was Dahlia, Sire." Arthur's face must have been as blank as his mind at the name because the large man clarified, "Dahlia is the mare that skinny manservant of yours favors."

"Ah of course. Is there any other information you have about the disappearance of Merlin's horse?"

Ambrose gave him a blank look.

"Merlin is the skinny manservant that favors Dahlia," Arthur clarified in turn.

"Oh. Him. No there was nothing my prince. Just she was missing, a saddle and equipment for her gone, and an empty stall when I showed up this morning."

"Well yes I will be addressing the matter with my Guard Captain and his new aide. Thank you Master Ambrose for bringing it to our attention, if that was all?"

"Yes my prince, that was all."

"Well if you think of anything else please do come speak with one of us," Arthur nodded toward his men who both made noises of agreement. Soon the three of them were alone in the room again. Arthur sank back into his original position of leaning on his fist. He gave a heavy stare at Brendanus and Reynard.

"So someone was sneaking _out _of the castle, with a horse… and not one of your men managed to SEE anything?"

_Un-believable._ Merlin was right. The guards around here _were_ completely useless. Even with the extra help, they were having this much trouble. Both broke into apologies and explanations that Arthur was completely uninterested in hearing. He was going to have to report to his father this afternoon. It was a shame that someone had managed to sneak past _all _of his guards. The men were also rather enjoying getting to skulk around the grounds in regular clothes while on duty. The thing was (ignoring whatever had gotten so royally screwed up last night) the new system really had been improving security around the castle. If this got back to his father, the King might decide it wasn't worth the extra funding. Arthur ignored the words pouring over him. He simply shifted his head until it was cradled in his hand so he could rub his forehead.

He raised his free hand to stop the excuses. The two fell silent. He waved toward the door. "Leave me."

Finally he was left in silence to nurse the headache he had been harboring since he had woken up to Evan's voice this morning. Arthur shoved to his feet knowing that he would have to go and speak with his father about this, which is why he was surprised to discover that he was now standing outside Gaius's quarters knocking on the physician's door.

"Sire! Arthur come in," Gaius opened the door wide to let him enter.

"Thank you Gaius, I was wondering-"

"How Merlin was doing?"

"Well, yes, that too. Also I was hoping you had something for a headache. I've been having a bad day."

"The day's just started. What's wrong?"

"Well, I woke up with a bit of a headache. Then the first thing I hear is that someone was sneaking around last night, but no one was found. Then I hear whoever was sneaking around last night stole a horse. Now I've got to go explain to my father how a horse was taken from right underneath our noses." Arthur took the bottle that Gaius offered him and swallowed the thick liquid inside with a grimace. "_Oh, that is awful stuff._" Effective though, he could already feel the headache start to fade. He handed the glass vial back. "Hopefully I'll be able to talk him out of immediately launching a witch hunt, which he likely will do in spite of the fact that if a sorcerer took a horse they won't have stayed around in Camelot just to gloat about it. And I have a lazy manservant who likely let himself be injured just to spite me so he wouldn't have to show up and actually do his job. When is he going to be better?"

"Actually he seems to be completely recovered."

"Good I need to speak with him."

The old man paused.

Arthur was immediately suspicious. "Gaius?"

"Ah… Yes. About that my Prince…"

"Gaius my head is starting to hurt again."

"Your head is hurting again. Hm… The sounds like a tension headache. Perhaps I should have given you a different potion. And you woke up with the headache you say? What were you thinking about before you went to bed?"

'_I was thinking about Merlin.'_

"It doesn't matter what I was thinking about. Tell me what is wrong with Merlin _this _time!"

"Well you see, the thing is…" the old man waffled a moment before going toward a shelf with assorted bottles, avoiding answering Arthur's question.

"You're usually a better at coming up with plausible excuses than this. I'm really not going to like what you're about to say am I?"

"What makes you think that?" Gaius asks weakly. This time he turned back with a blue glass bottle in his hand.

"Because I haven't had a single bit of good news today. Why should that change now?"

"Well physically he's recovered, but since he was attacked by the wizard he now seems to feel that he's suffering under a curse."

"_Cursed?_ What kind of a curse? What's wrong?" his voice rose on the last bit.

"I really couldn't say, really. Merlin did seem quite distraught though and said he felt it was best that he leave Camelot." Shaking his head the old man sank into one of the chairs by the table and motioned for Arthur to take a seat. "He left last night. I couldn't stop him."

"He left. What, last night?"

The physician poured a cup of tea for Arthur and slid it across the table to him after being sure to add sugar to sweeten it. He poured some for his self as well.

"Yes, yes, late last night. He just packed all his clothes said his goodbyes and ran out. Oh he did ask me to tell you he's sorry."

"Merlin left Camelot by himself in the middle of the night?" _Merlin_ was sneaking around last night. A horse disappeared from his stables last night.

"Wait… We _are _talking about the same Merlin right? About my height, dark hair, big ears, twiggy-"

Gaius interrupted, "Actually I think he prefers to be called slender, Sire."

Arthur ignored this in favor of following his line of thought, "- with hideous neckerchiefs, and a ridiculous grin._ That_ Merlin?"

"I certainly hope that there is only one Merlin of that sort running about the place. Please don't even kid about there being two of him," Gaius grumbled into his cup.

'_Merlin managed to sneak past every single one of my night guards… with a horse.'_

Arthur stared at Gaius's hand as he tried to wrap his head around that thought. The old man's hand was covered by brown, fingerless gloves and he was petting the teapot with absent strokes the way you'd pet a dog or a cat. That was rather strange. Not the strangest thing to happen today when it came down to it, but it was an odd habit to have picked up.

"D'you know where he was going?" Arthur asked.

"I think I did hear him say something about Ealdor, but I couldn't say for sure."

"He's going to Ealdor. With a horse that he got past every single one of my night guards. Because he thinks he's cursed. There are … absolutely no words…"

Arthur made a scoffing sound and flopped back in his chair. He roughly grabbed his tea cup and gulped some of the hot liquid. Then he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He very carefully set the teacup down. "Did you just hear something?"

Gaius eyebrowed at him. "Such as?"

"A, uh, scared sounding little squeak?"

"Are you sure there's nothing more than headaches bothering you sire?"

Arthur shoved to his feet. He shook his head at the old man's concern. "I'm fine. I should go check in with my father now."

"Don't forget your medicine Arthur. If your headache doesn't go away or comes back, drink this. Oh but make _sure_ you give it at least till lunchtime for the first one to clear out of your system," the old man warned.

Arthur nodded his thanks and left. Soon he was arriving at the door to his father's study and he was going to have to go inside and he was going to have to figure out what to say about his men, not to mention his wayward servant. Cursed indeed. Arthur would show the boy cursed when he got his hands on him.

"Father," Arthur bowed his head in respect and waited for his acknowledgement.

"Arthur. I received a strange report that one of the horses was stolen. We can't have horses being stolen right out of the royal stables. We'll have every bandit in the entire country side trying to sneak into Camelot thinking it's an easy mark. I want you to look into that personally."

"That won't be necessary Father," Arthur answered evenly. He clasped his hands behind his back and hoped that Uther would believe the crap that was about to come out of his mouth as easily as he believed the crap that came out of Gaius.

Uther tilted his head and stared up at Arthur in surprise. "Oh, and why is that?"

"Because _I _arranged for the horse to be taken," he answered breezily.

"You- what?"

"Hunith wanted Merlin to go home when she found out he'd been injured. Merlin wanted to go home to reassure his mother he was fine. I wanted to test our new security. I told Merlin he was welcome to go home if he would just do me the favor of helping me out with that. The good news is not only was one of our horses _not _stolen but I now have some new ideas for improvements that can be made. I'll be discussing them with my men in our next meeting. Don't worry Father. By the time I'm finished our kingdom's security is going to be so tight that bandits won't dare to even think of trying to come into our kingdom, nevermind the castle."

"Good. That's good. I'm glad you're so enthused about this new project of yours. Speaking of bandits there have been reports of attacks along our borders. You may want to speak with Brendanus some time today about your new plans. I want you to take a group of your knights and go track them down. They seem to be coming from the east."

"From Cenred's territory?"

Ealdor was in Cenred's territory. Arthur had to fight to keep the smile from tugging at his lips.

"You are absolutely right Father. I'll speak with Brendanus this after we're done here and select some knights to take with me on the patrol."

"Oh and for God's sake speak with Ambrose and assure him that Dolly is safe with that idiot servant of yours."

"Dahlia," Arthur corrected automatically.

"Whatever. Just shut him up about that blasted horse."

Arthur couldn't keep the smirk off his face. "If Your Majesty will excuse me I'll go see to that right now."

Uther waved him off. Arthur bowed and left, already planning who he would take with him on his search tomorrow.

* * *

"And so that was how I ended up committing Grand Theft Equine. Though I'm hopeful Arthur will cover for me when he figures out I was the one who took the horse."

"You stole a horse from the royal stables? Merlin you could be executed for that!"

"I could've been executed for levitating the horse over the castle wall too. On the plus side I can't be executed more than once."

"Don't even joke about that," Hunith warned him quite seriously.

His mother, bless her had opened the door to the strange girl on her doorstep with a kind greeting that she would have given anyone knocking on their door. Then Hunith had noticed her son's clothing. Her eyes had immediately flown up, searching his face. Merlin had wanted to say something but he found his tongue had been glued to the roof of his mouth as he stared right back at the woman who had raised him. When she finally spoke words that tumbled from her lips were, "Merlin? Oh my baby boy what has happened to you this time?"

She was obviously still stressed over the thought of how close he had come to dying. Realizing that the only reason he wasn't dead or paralyzed had been because he had been cursed into a female form apparently had helped her cope with the strange fact that her son was now a daughter. Actually when she put it like that, he felt a bit better about being a girl as well. Still his mother had experienced enough emotional trauma for the day so he immediately apologized and promised he wouldn't joke about getting caught engaging in highly illegal and/or treasonous activities for the rest of his visit.

"Oh that reminds me!" He set his tea down and jumped up to grab package from where he had set them down in the corner along with travel bag in the corner. "Here, Gaius wanted me to give you these. He said he thought it would make a nice present for you and asked me to bring them with me."

Hunith unwrapped the mop (and now for sure broom) with a confused look on her face. The broom immediately jumped up and began to sweep, apparently pleased to be free and back to work. The mop trailed after the broom, happy to simply continue to bask in the presence of its partner. Hunith stared at them, then at Merlin, silently demanding an explanation.

"I uh, guess I forgot to mention that bit. I'm afraid I had a sort of an accident," Merlin admitted with a guilty duck of his head. His scarf cooed and waved at his mother from atop his head. Hunith blinked. She gave a tiny, hesitant wave back before she went back to studying the cleaning supplies kicking up dust in the living area.

"So Gaius decided to 'gift' them to me?" she raised a slightly skeptical brow toward them. "Really, why does that man always try to dump his discards on me? Not that I can't usually find a use for them, but I'm a little confused about what I'm supposed to do with a self cleaning broom and mop."

Privately Merlin agreed but he felt he should offer some show of support toward his uncle's intentions. That and well, they were his creations and they really were a nice set if he did say so himself.

"Come on, how do you know he wasn't just trying to be nice? I mean it is kind of a thoughtful gift."

"Merlin, our house has dirt floors."

* * *

End Notes: I know that nobody can hear it, but I swear to you that during Merlin's trek to the stables, I swear that somewhere in the world the Mission Impossible theme song was playing. So even though poor Merlin does get screwed with a lot, please know that he at least has a good soundtrack to keep him company.  
Also I wrote this chapter three times before I was satisfied with it, or at least too sick of it to care anymore. By that time I no longer cared about plot and was writing purely for my own amusement since I figured it couldn't get any worse than my first two attempts. I apologize for this. Please excuse me as I must now go hide my face in shame.


End file.
